


Unspoken and Unseen

by KatieBug1998



Series: Supernatural One-Shots, Sick Fics, Injured Fics, and Hurt/Comfort [37]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode Tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 15:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieBug1998/pseuds/KatieBug1998
Summary: What happens in those moments off-screen?





	Unspoken and Unseen

First draft of Sam Winchester's application essay:

I never really fit in with my family. My mom died when I was a baby and my brother Dean was four years old. He mentions her from time to time, talks about how she made him peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cut the crusts off. How she made him pie. How she used to sing him "Hey Jude" by The Beatles to help him fall asleep. Sometimes when we're driving in the car and he thinks I'm asleep, he turns it on. Once I looked at him and he was crying. My dad doesn't talk about her at all. He was in the Vietnam War but what happened over there was nothing compared to what Mom's death did to him. Dean's told me how Dad used to be so affectionate when Dean was a kid, but now he's cold and unforgiving. I think I've heard Dad say the words "I love you" all of three times in my whole life. He's more likely to say "I'm proud of you" but he never says it to me, only Dean. He doesn't want me to go to college, but I want to make a difference in the world, help people.

• • •

1x01 Pilot

It wasn't just Sam who was hurt by Jessica's death. When Dean ran into the room to drag Sam out, it wasn't just Jessica he saw burning on the ceiling – it was his mom too. When he closes his eyes at night, all he can see is bright orange flames.

• • •

1x12 Faith

"I know I haven't prayed since I was a kid and I got no right to ask you for anything, but Layla's a good person. For one thing, she forgave me for taking her once chance of beating cancer. She doesn't deserve to die. I know she could do good things if you just let her live."

Chuck doesn't answer prayers often, just leaves it up to fate, but this time is different. Dean has never prayed in his entire life. Layla must be a great girl for Dean to ask for help. Chuck makes an exception this time.

• • •

1x19 Provenance

Sam still thinks about Sarah. What happened to her? How did figuring out that ghosts are real change her life? Is she still out there with her dad, selling art? Has she found someone? Gotten married? Had babies? Years later, he finds out the answer to those questions. She did get married and she did have a kid. She was happy. And he killed her, and Sam will never forgive himself for that.

• • •

2x01 In my Time of Dying

Dean had three main nightmares after the accident. First, he had nightmares where he felt like he couldn't breathe. He was gasping for air. In the dream, he opened his eyes to see Sam blankly staring at him. There was a tube in his throat, choking him and making him gag. Each time, he woke up gasping. The second was Dad. He always saw him collapsing in slow motion. He would kneel above him and cry over his corpse for what felt like hours. Once, Sam had heard him screaming and ran into the room to wake him up. Dean's face was wet with tears. The third was Sam. His eyes would flash yellow and he would torture him, physically and emotionally. Those were the worst.

• • •

2x04 Children Shouldn't Play with Death Things

The guilt is so intense and settles in so fast. _What's dead should stay dead_. Dean should've died but instead, his dad is dead and stuck in Hell, and there's nothing he can do about it. _What's dead should stay dead_.

• • •

2x10 Hunted

 _I'm better off dead_ , Sam thinks. Every time he gets angry or is violent even if it's to kill a monster, he wonders what he's becoming. How long until he completely changes and turns on Dean? He has to be stopped before that happens.

• • •

Repression is Dean's speciality. He can't stand Sam repeatedly asking him to kill him. It's not gonna happen, so Dean just refuses to think or talk about it. He'll never kill his brother.

• • •

2x17 Heart

Madison's death hit him hard. It's been almost two years since Jessica died. He didn't love Madison but he knew he could have. Sometimes he can hear her voice but more often he hears the sound of his gun firing.

• • •

2x20 What is and What Should Never Be

Dean had wanted so badly to stay in that happy life with his mom, Sammy, Jess, and even Carmen. His conscience wouldn't let him. What about all those people on flight 2485? What about the mother and daughter at that hotel? Even the men in the prison. He saved all those people and he could save so many more. How could he stay with his family when he knew people would die without him? How could he leave his brother all alone? He can't. So he trades his happiness for the lives of others. In the end, it's really no choice.

• • •

3x02 The Kids Are Alright

Lisa said Ben wasn't his but Dean wasn't sure he believed that. He would've been proud to be Ben's dad.

• • •

3x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas

Sam doesn't understand him. Dean wants to celebrate things while he still can; he wants Sam to be okay after he's gone; he wants him to have good memories of the last year. That's why he wants a Christmas tree, and why he's teaching Sam how to fix Baby.

• • •

4x01 Lazarus Rising

Dean of course has nightmares from Hell. He has them almost every night. The only reprieve he gets is when he has nightmares of being trapped in a pine box. As the anxiety slowly builds, he finally breaks out. He struggles to get through the loose dirt up to the surface but he never makes it. They say if you die in your dreams, you die in real life, but what happens if you already died?

• • •

4x14 Sex and Violence

Dean's been sitting on this secret years, and now he decides it may be time to tell Sam. "I know you noticed that the siren was a dude for me," he begins.

Thankfully, Sam speaks because Dean didn't know what he was going to say next. "It's okay, Dean. I already know."

"You what?"

"I've known you're bi for a long time. Maybe even before you did."

Dean leans back. "Oh. Okay."

• • •

4x16 On the Head of a Pin

Dean doesn't want to talk about. About the fact that he was in a coma from a beating he took from Alastair, the same demon who tortured him in Hell for thirty years. He doesn't want to talk about the fact that he was forced to torture someone, a thing he told himself he'd never do again. He definitely doesn't want to talk about the fact that Angel of the Lord Castiel just told him he started the freaking apocalypse.

• • •

12x02 Mama Mia

After being tortured by the British Men of Letters, Sam still has nightmares; he wakes up, crying from the pain in his dreams. Has flashbacks during the day. He flinches every time Dean lights a match to burn a corpse. He takes hot showers that burn his skin rather than freeze it. Cas might've healed his physical wounds but he couldn't take away the memories.

• • •

12x09 First Blood

After being stuck in that room in the secret facility for six weeks, Dean still can't stand quiet. He can't go to sleep without music playing through headphones. He fills all the silences with words.

• • •

12x22 Who We Are

Dean doesn't tell anyone, in the hours where his knee is messed up, before Cas heals it, he's worried, so damn worried because he might never be able to hunt again. He can hardly even walk. This injury won't heal with time. He needs to see a doctor; he probably needs to go to the hospital. All he can think is he doesn't have time. He needs to get his mom back, get Cas back. They need to stop Lucifer and figure out how to deal with his child. He's worried.

• • •

12x22 Who We Are

The first time Sam goes into his room after Eileen dies, he goes straight to his bedside table and quickly picks up the American Sign Language textbook he'd been using. He stands there and looks at it for a long time before finally crossing the room and dropping it in the trash can by the door.

• • •

13x05 Advanced Thanatology

"Hello, Dean." Cas waits for Dean to say something, but when he doesn't, he continues. "I'm back. I'm at a phone booth. The one in that town close to the bunker. The one with the bowling alley where you reached me how to play." Dean remains silent. "I'll explain everything when you get here. Dean, are you there?"

Dean's broken voice answers, "Yeah, Cas. I'm here."


End file.
